Choose YOUR Destination: Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“He who chases 2 rabbits catches none”.  I love that Confucius quote and refer to it often. I need to, because I do love an exciting new challenge or adventure and I have an unhealthy need to prove that ‘I can do that’.

I know I’m not alone. I can’t be the only one who looks at a LinkedIn post and thinks. That looks like a cool job, a great company… maybe I should have done that. We live in a world with so many choices, and it only takes a moment’s glance at our phone and see ideas on Pinterest, places to visit on Instagram, and opportunities on LinkedIn. So many things to see, do, make, try, and experience. More input on our psyches than any generation before us. 

Did you know that Starbucks has a mind-blowing 170,000 different drink combinations? That’s a nightmare for folks with FOMO. Even if they drank a dozen coffees a day, it would take them several lifetimes to try them all.

The saying ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ is truer today than ever before. The massive number of images and our constant connectivity is harming our mental health and ruining our ability to feel successful. The majority of our workforce is questioning if they are in the right role, some job search statistics say 30% of the global workforce is actively searching for jobs, while the remaining 70% is passive. Of that 70% passive workforce, 87% is open to finding better job opportunities. 

Uncertainty causes stress, so it’s no wonder so many of us are struggling. Any good therapist will tell you , If you are constantly thinking about the future (what if it doesn’t work out?…) you’ll be anxious and if you are constantly thinking about the past (woulda, shoulda, coulda…) you’ll be depressed. I started digging into how this constant job uncertainty affects our mental health and I read so much frightening data that I think it affected mine. So I had a glass of wine (self-medicated) and dug in further.

Seriously, I spent weeks looking at the mental health research and got sidetracked by how it is affecting our physical health, so I worm-holed on that for months. 

Most of the truly shocking insights came from the book, Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases, and Coping, by Robert Sapolsky.

The book explains the biology behind stress. The brain's autonomic nervous system and the transfer of energy in our bodies.

The bottom line is that humans worry or experience stress, which is not an acute physical crisis, and our bodies turn on the same physiological responses that an animal does. As such, adrenaline, glucose, and fat move into the bloodstream, heart rate increases, and sweat increases

But as humans, we do not resolve conflict through fighting or fleeing, so over time, this activation of a stress response makes us sick. Think ulcers, heart disease, depression, etc.

Sustained psychological stress is a very recent phenomenon. Personally, I think it's fascinating and alarming.  I kept thinking about the exponential amount of data we have access to today, plus recent behavioral studies, and our FOMO culture, combine for a perfect storm.

Many of the books were intricate reads, heavy on science, but the overall message needs to be heard, so I  made up a fun, albeit ridiculous,  2-minute story to try to share what I learned from the stage during keynotes.

In my story, a strong, smart Zebra (I usually give it the name of someone in the room), who is well adapted to survive in the South African savannah, is being chased by a lion and narrowly escapes the physical danger of being caught and killed. After he outruns the lion, he tucks into some tall grass to recuperate. While the adrenaline wears off and his heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing get back to normal (as an animal would), our Zebra does a uniquely human thing and starts worrying about who saw him running, if he looked cool, and what he's missing right now... so he pulls out his phone to see what the rest of the animal kingdom is up to!

Zebra sees Flamingo’s Instagram post. Flamingo is on the beach, looking relaxed. Within seconds, our Zebra is no longer happy that he's an amazing creature who just escaped a lion, and he’s jealous of Flamingo. I mean, there are no lions on a beach, and Flamingo doesn't have to wear stripes every day, Flamingo gets to wear pink!

Get it?! Along with humans creating our own stress from non-immediate threats, we also have ego, ambition, and FOMO. Even when we are very talented at what we do, and we're doing it really well, we can be our worst enemy.

This ridiculous story hits each of us differently. We all are creating our own stress in some way. 

Physical and psychological stressors affect us all – rich, poor, old, and young. We have what some call a stress epidemic. According to Alight’s 2022 International Workforce and Wellbeing Mindset Report, the majority (73%) of employees in the U.S. and Western Europe rate their current stress levels as moderate or high, and 34% say they are suffering symptoms of burnout.

Chronic stress is linked to both psychological and physical issues. Diseases such as hypertension, heart disease, obesity, metabolic syndrome, Type II diabetes, and arthritis have been linked to stress.

I share this quick take on a much larger conversation, in hopes that it gets you thinking about how stress is affecting the health of your brain and body. And I highly recommend ‘Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers’. It is an excellent look at the issue. Don’t have time to read it. Blink it. I am a big fan of Blinkist and their 25-minute take of it (that’s the audible version) is an excellent overview of the concepts.

There's so much more to this stress conversation, and thank goodness, so many things we can do to manage stress. The easiest fix you can control right now, is to stop chasing two rabbits. Do the job you are doing, quit wishing you were doing something else, and do your job really well! You started off on this journey and chose your destination. You likely applied for your role,  got the job over someone else, and are pretty good at it. What if you chose to fall in love with that job again? Show ‘em what you’ve got! Be so damn good at it. 

‘Comparison is the Theif of Joy’, Choose your destination. Fall in love with your choice. Be proud of it and make this choice your epic journey.

Now, take a deep breath... You don’t have to chase a new rabbit and there is not a lion chasing you right now. 

Right now – you are safe.